Bonjour 2019, how is it going? I’m a lot less suicidal than 2018 so there’s something. Aside from that, life has had a bit of a shake up.
A week or so ago I left my job working with young people in a secure unit. Believe me, it was a hard decision but also a necessary one. The intensity of it all wasn’t good for me and there wasn’t much room for progression. I’m in the midst of deciding in which direction I want to move with my education and just feel like I need time out before I make a commitment for years at a time. Honestly, I do miss it, I miss the kids and the coworkers so I may just have to return some day.
As for personally, I’m doing a lot better. My mood is stable, the only stress I’ve felt is due to my travel plans (or lack thereof) and that’s an ok stress to have. We had a loss over the holidays however, on a slightly morbid note, the funeral was as lovely as one can get. There were stories and long kept pictures of my farmer family, one relative even left to attend to his foals. I guess it is on par with the last funeral when someone left to milk their cows.
On the 26th I fly to Budapest, the city where my solo travelling took off (pun intended) and I am really looking forward to getting back. My first trip was such an experience that I still think about most days, wandering over the chain bridge drunk and meeting my Aussie family. This post serves as a reminder of what I’m actually trying to achieve if I ever find myself in that drunken position again.
Onto the wishes:
2019 is the year I look forward to travelling slower. The majority of my travels have been a few days here and there as I’ve not really been in the position to fling everything to the wayside and take it easy…until now. I love the idea of getting used to the layout of a city, finding a decent spot to chill and ‘living’ more than visiting a place. Saying that, I’m going to ease myself in starting with a couple of weeks at a time. So far my slow travel experience has been three months in Norway, which I came to appreciate at the end but as my routine has been up and down more than the polygraph results of a snake oil sales rep, it needs to be done slowly.
What is better than getting paid to travel? Ok, it’s not quite the same…But I’m really hoping to land a job abroad. As much as I loved my previous job there were definitely times I wanted to give it all up to go back to being a barista. In the meantime I have some volunteering and TEFL programs coming up which I’m looking forward to blogging about. It’ll be interesting to see how easy or difficult opportunities are to come by to top up the travel funds.
I know this is a bit random but also applies to the previous: I plan on getting to work with horses. Those who follow my Insta will know that last year I took up riding and it really helped me to take control of my anxiety and low moods. It’s one part of my routine I’m going to miss most, getting my lesson in. Saying that, I have been scouring Workaway for potential equine therapy centers in Europe as that would be brilliant to be involved in.
Now the worries:
The B word, that elephant in the room that is Brexit. Frankly, I’m tired of hearing about it unless it’s concrete and hopefully there’s less so in the news when I get out there. Nonetheless it doesn’t mean that I’m worried about what will happen after March 31st, will I get marched to an airport? Will my passport suddenly be declined? Will all flights from and to the UK or EU halt?! Who knows! I wish I did…
If you have read my previous posts, you will know that it hasn’t been an easy time as of late and I’m just about on top of things now. I had to eat humble pie at the end of last year and admit to myself that I wasn’t well enough to travel on my original timeline. I’m terrified that I will spend months lonely, slipping back into depression and having to come back home to start my life all over again. As much as I would love to sit here and say things will all go to plan, I can’t…because I don’t have one…speaking of which-
Not Having a Plan
People have asked me, “where are you going? How long are you going for?” and I honestly can’t answer them. I’ve learnt that, actually, having less of a plan is so much better than having it all worked out. But when you try to convince that to the illogical side of my brain, she kinda goes ‘bullshit, if it’s not all worked out you’re fucked mate, on ya own’. So although it’s a worry, I’m trying to use my experience that tells me to remain flexible and everything works out in the end. Cliche or not. Leave me alone.
This will more than likely be the last time you hear from me while I’m on UK soil! I’m both terrified and so friggin’ ready to let my hair down, open myself to new experiences and indulge in more interests. See you on the flip side 😎